The ability to relate one’s own emotional state to that of another is known as empathy, and it is a necessary component of social interaction. [1] Building relationships requires the ability to relate to others, which is an important talent.
In general, an empathic individual listens well, gives insightful counsel, and has the emotional intelligence to recognise when something is upsetting you.
But when empathy is exploited for one’s own advantage or as a ploy to manipulate, it becomes a weapon. Dark empathy is the term used to describe this.
What is a dark empath?
Though they give the impression that they care, dark empaths are just exploiting their cognitive ability to sympathise with you in order to further their own agenda.
The capacity to comprehend and identify the ideas, emotions, and viewpoints of others without becoming emotionally invested is known as cognitive empathy. [2] It can be compared to emotional empathy, which is experiencing another person’s feelings as if you were sharing their experience, as the name suggests. [1]
Dark empaths are adept at using cognitive rather than emotional empathy, and the emotional detachment they maintain when functioning gives them a laser-like concentration on manipulating, gaslighting, or bullying others in order to forward their agendas.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders does not officially recognise dark empath as a disorder, and the term is relatively recent (DSM-V).
The three interrelated, maladaptive personality traits known as the “Dark Triad”—machiavellianism, psychopathy, and narcissism—that characterise a dark empath are usually present. [3]
- Machiavellianism refers to a person’s exploitative, cynical,and manipulative disposition. The term derives from the name of the Italian pioneer of political philosophy, Niccolo Machiavelli, who operated in Florence at the turn of the 16th
- Psychopathy is characterized by a combination of affective-interpersonal flaws, such as superficial charm or callous affect, and behavioral deficits, such as an erratic lifestyle or antisocial behavior. [3]
- Narcissism is characterized by grandiose thinking, an exaggerated sense of entitlement, self-importance, and superiority. [3]
Traits of a dark empath
They are manipulative
A “dark empath” may take use of their capacity to perceive and regulate others’ emotions in order to further their own agendas or exert control over circumstances. One day, they might try to make you feel bad for not following their lead and guilt-trip you. The following time, if you approach them about their actions, they can try to gaslight you and say you’re misinterpreting the issue.
They are extroverted
Because of their narcissistic inclinations, dark empaths are frequently more outgoing than other empaths, suggesting that they can feel at ease interacting and conversing with people. [4] Forging connections with people is greatly facilitated by a combination of high cognitive empathy and extraversion. When a dark empath uses these qualities, the people they come into contact with may be in risk.
They are keenly perceptive
Dark empaths with high degrees of cognitive empathy are well aware of how other people are feeling and responding to circumstances. They can appear exceptionally compassionate and understanding by using this information to win over potential targets. However, a dark empath’s only motivation is to fulfil their own desires. With the knowledge they obtain from their enhanced levels of observation, they can then manipulate other people’s emotions to get what they want.
They retain emotional distance
Even though they appear to have a profound comprehension of other people’s viewpoints, dark empaths are capable of maintaining emotional distance from them. By doing this, they can elicit a sense of intimacy from others and give the impression that a true link has been developed, all the while keeping the appearance of control. They can control the other person once they’ve ensnared them without really caring about their sentiments.
They judge themselves critically
Self-criticism can take a special form among dark empaths. [4] Despite the grandiosity and self-importance they experience due to their narcissistic inclinations, large amounts of self-criticism can counteract this.
They become acutely aware of their own manipulative inclinations due to their enhanced empathy, which may cause them to have a conflicting internal conversation. Instead of sincere regret for their acts, though, this self-critical attitude may be motivated by a desire to hone their emotional manipulation and control techniques.
What causes dark empathy?
As with many other psychological diseases, the precise source of dark empathy is unknown. It can differ from person to person and entail a mix of genetic, psychological, and environmental factors.
We can clarify markers of dark empathy if we take the dark triad—narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism—as possible foundations of dark empathy. It’s crucial to stress that the DSM does not classify dark empathy as a psychological disorder.
Negative events during childhood have been connected to narcissism. Narcissistic traits can arise as a result of childhood trauma, rejection, and abusive parenting. [5]
Environmental circumstances or genetics may be the cause of psychopathy. Research indicates that individuals who are psychopathic are less able to process emotions, which may be related to the shrinkage of brain regions like the amygdala that are involved in emotional regulation.
According to research, a child’s early environment has a significant impact on whether or not they develop Machiavellian tendencies. [6] In order to stop a youngster with a manipulative, self-centred worldview from taking a Machiavellian approach to adult relationships, parents, teachers, and peer relationships may all be crucial in assisting the child.
Dark empath vs narcissist: What’s the difference?
Given their shared grandiosity, entitlement, and self-importance, narcissists and dark empaths have a lot in common. But unlike dark empaths, narcissists do not exhibit the same degree of self-criticism. [4]
Narcissists seldom stop to consider their actions and how they impact other people, and they are frequently blind to their own shortcomings. Because of their high degrees of cognitive empathy, dark empaths may exhibit more self-judgment. Even if they know they are failing, they nonetheless carry on.
Furthermore, exhibiting aspects of the other two dark triad personality traits—machiavellianism and psychopathy—dark empaths are more complex than narcissists.
Dark empath vs psychopath: What’s the difference?
Psychopaths and dark empaths are names used to characterise people with particular psychological traits and behaviours. Although certain characteristics may be shared, these are really separate ideas.
The main distinction is that, whereas dark empaths, as their name implies, have high degrees of cognitive empathy, psychopaths show zero empathy. While both engage in manipulative behaviour to further their own agendas, psychopaths are motivated by a lack of morality and utter contempt for the feelings of others, whereas dark empaths can use their empathy to achieve that goal.
How to deal with a dark empath
It’s imperative to act on your intuition if you start to feel that someone in your inner circle is manipulating you in order to save yourself more harm. Establish limits on their access to personal information about you going forward and establish boundaries between you and the person in question. This might stop them from gaslighting you or utilising that information to control your emotions. An extensive list of advice for handling a dark empath can be found below:
- Set Boundaries: Establish and communicate firm boundaries with the individual. Be clear about what behaviors are unacceptable and what you will not tolerate. By doing so you preserve your self-esteem and give yourself the best chance of experiencing happier outcomes.
- Stay emotionally grounded, maintain independence, and limit contact: Recognize your own emotions and vulnerabilities and shield them from the dark empath. Maintain distance from their emotional support and reach out to a trusted loved one to aid in this pursuit. Limit contact with the dark empath and if they continue to bother you, do not hesitate to call the police.
- Seek support from your network: Discuss your concerns with trusted friends, family members, or a therapist. They can provide an objective perspective and guidance.
- Get therapy: If you feel your sense of self has been compromised by the impact of a dark empath in your life, getting professional help may be of great value. Get a doctor’s appointment with the aim of a referral to a therapist who can help you cope and move forward in life.
- Practice self-care: Engage in self-care activities that promote your emotional well-being. Meditation, yoga, singing, gardening, and exercise are all examples of soothing activities that can center you, build resilience, and maintain a strong sense of self.
- Be kind to yourself: It was not your fault that this person weaseled their way into your life and caused you harm. Their aim was to manipulate you for their own personal gain, while you were attempting to build an honest, meaningful connection with another human. That is a pursuit that requires no apology. Reminding yourself you are worthy of love and connection can be helpful in healing. Self-affirmations and keeping a regular journal of things you are grateful for can help bolster your self-esteem.